People for people

I have this habit of reading whatever I pick up. I've just finished reading this book called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Unsubtle title aside, this book is phenomenal (as described on the cover :P). Dale Carnegie was a lecturer in the early 1900's who taught a course on effective speaking and how to get along with other people. This book is actually a adaptation of the course material that he used. It's a freaking old book - the first publication was in 1936, and this particular copy was published in 1964. But this only makes it all the more amazing how the simple truths within its yellowing pages are still relevant in today's world. I can safely conclude that human nature has not changed much in the past 90 odd years.

Reading through this book, I couldn't help the thought that kept popping up in my mind. "Boss must have read this book!!" Time and time again, I could readily remember the times that my manager seemed to apply the exact same techniques described in this book. He could have easily fit onto the numerous examples given by the author! Let me share with you just some of the key principles that I have learnt from this book, and a few examples about how I have personally felt their power.

1. Smile
To quote from the book..

It costs nothing, but creates much
It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give
It happens in a flash, and the memory of it sometimes lasts forever

2. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it
Even if you win the argument by forcing your opponent to agree with you, you would still lose - his good will. You will have hurt his pride and made him feel inferior. He will resent your triumph.

A man convinced against his will
Is of the same opinion still

3. Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise
Following a recent roadshow, my manager asked us how many leads each of us got. When I told him the number that I obtained, which was only a modest amount, he was quick to shower praise, saying that it was a good start for a 1st timer. In the weeks that followed, he would praise me again and again, and not just in private but in front of my colleagues as well. Even Herby, who only got less than a third of the number of leads as I did, received only words of praise and encouragement from our boss. In contrast, when I encountered another person who inquired after my performance at the roadshow, the response was along the lines of, "Try harder at the next roadshow". Which approach do you think motivated me more?

Another example is how a simple compliment can affect the way you feel about something. I have a shirt that I already liked very much, and one day when I wore it to the office, my colleagues mentioned that it was a very nice shirt. From that day on, that shirt became my very best favourite! Simply because someone endorsed my opinion that it was a very nice shirt.

4. Show respect for the other man's opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong
This example is not exactly about opinions, but along a similar vein of acknowledging what someone has said without directly disagreeing with him. Many a time, when my boss posed a question to me, I would be stumped for an answer, or even give a wrong and silly answer. However, never once has he laughed (maybe internally :P) or ridiculed me for what I had said. He would simply ignore the wrong (or dumb) answer, or acknowledge it as being a plausible option, and go on to prompt the desired response, without making anyone feel awkward. This is such a refreshing change from the usual belittling when you get a wrong answer. Even in school, a wrong answer gets you a big red ugly cross. Though I heard somewhere that they're trying to get teachers to stop using red ink because it's too aggressive! Don't know whether that's in place yet or not.

There are tons more that I have learnt from this book, but it's 3am and I'm so sleepy.. So I guess we're going to stop here for now. :P